Connect-Correct-Connect…Wow!!! This could be a funny tongue twister.But my article is more about taking a cue from the scenario I witnessed while sipping the awesome coffee @ Starbucks where one of the customer was complaining to the staff stating that while she was entering the ‘ correct’ password but still was unable ‘connect’ to the Free WIFI.
This scenario got me thinking that the human behaviour is so similar like the technology. Sometimes the ‘connect’ is missing.
Have you heard the famous line “You have to reach the heart before you can reach the head.”?
Yeah…Life is busy! Juggling home life, work life, marriage, schedules, who has time for relationship?However, we all yearn for connection — with kids, spouses, parents, siblings, and friends.
And the way we build those connections is by communicating, hearing and being heard, giving and receiving love, being concerned for one another, and coming alongside each another in the journey of life.
Hence, Connection before correction is so very important. Feel connected and you are more open to kind and firm correction —especially when they are involved in creating a solution that is respectful to everyone. It also leaves everyone feeling encouraged, confident, and capable.
Team members, colleagues, superiors, clients and even family members including kids who feel “felt” are much more likely to be able to work with you instead of against you. This is not about negotiating, but instead about leadership with connection.
Remember! It is less WHAT you say, than how you say it that can invite the sense of rebellion. This will further help you and they have less emotional distress, fewer suicidal thoughts use less cigarettes / alcohol and have less violent behaviour (of course depending upon the complexity of the issues)
I orchestrate a few role-plays & case studies on the PEARLA & DESC model in a few Leadership Excellence programs that I conduct. Here is what it means,
Connect (Build trust) through the PEARLA model
Presence—focus on the person and the conversation
Empathy—consider what is going on for the other person
Acknowledge—reflect what you hear, acknowledge what matters to them
Reframe—notice their response; consider a reframing statement
Listen openly—listen to what they are saying below the surface
Ask—ask questions to clarify and build trust
Correct (Address the problem) through the DESC Model
Describe the behaviour, be specific
Explain the impact
Seek alternatives and agreement
Let’s say if our loos, showers, washing machines and dishwasher pipe fittings are all connected into the correct drains, our beautiful local streams, rivers and beaches can stay clean and healthy. If they don’t, we may have a ‘misconnection’ that needs an immediate ‘correction’.
Now, apply the same logic to our minds, thoughts, actions & reactions.
‘Correct’ as required and stay ‘connected’ or vice-versa.